Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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