Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
