the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
