Define "chronic" masturbator.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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