Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im part way to drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
