My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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