totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
