Your face is a jimmy john
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
