i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
