So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
where am i from again
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
