Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
