her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
