She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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