I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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