You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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