TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
40s are totally the cure
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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