this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
