Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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