I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize