Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
