how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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