I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize