I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
