if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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