Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We need to rekindle our bromance
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize