The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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