Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't deserve a penis
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
