i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
