You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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