these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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