I smell stomach acid.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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