Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
