I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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