rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
