these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
