I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize