When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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