Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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