no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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