I just pynch a tree in the face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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