If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
40s are totally the cure
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
