Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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