Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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