mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
