You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
