Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
