Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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