YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
