phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
