Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
