when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
