question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
