i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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