i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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