I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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