my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I wear drunk well.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
