She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
