My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she pinky promised me she was 18
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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