Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
