remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just google imaged poop.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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