I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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