She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
