singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you didnt know i had herpes?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
