I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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