She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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