i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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