i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
