please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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