somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize