how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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