3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize