recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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