I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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