I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
