I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You are a genius and a whore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
