I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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