I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
