Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
