I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
