I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
