Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
