"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize