You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
