bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
