I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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