Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
