So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need water and some morals
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
