Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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