If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
