he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
