3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
