Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
