Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
