she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
