So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
