You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize