gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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