we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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