That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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