Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
