u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
