Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
