It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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