I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
