it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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