Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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