if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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