This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dick very happy bro
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize