Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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